Hitting rock bottom sucks. No matter what that looks like for you, or anyone else - it's not a cool place to find yourself. But it's really the only place you truly 'find yourself.'
For me rock bottom was me still showing up for work every day, still showing up as a parent, still dating, and still making it to the gym. At the same time I fought myself to put on clothes and leave the house on days I didn't have my daughter or work. I irresponsibly dug past the bottom of my budget to have wine in the house. My eyes were always puffy from crying myself to sleep, or on the couch, or in the kitchen (usually on the floor, fingers clutching aforementioned wine.) I was functioning - but I was suffering inside. My pain was relentless. It showed up in my drinking, my calorie counting and physique obsession, my self sabotage of late night Netflix binge watching, poor sleep, self isolation, avoiding "Hey, how's it going?" text messages, and feeling like I would never 'get over' my adult symptoms of a shitty upbringing.
Looking at me in public - you would never know.
During that time I was obsessively researching how to recover from being raised by a toxic, emotionally abusive home life. I was listening to audio books on my 30 minute drive to & from work, sometimes having to pull over on the side of the road because I was crying so hard I couldn't safely keep driving. I was speed reading books from the library - desperately searching for the secret tool that would save me. I wanted to heal. I wanted to recover. I wanted my self hate, my shitty life, my cyclical depression, my bad relationship skills, my shame and my feelings of unworthiness to stop. I was desperate to end the abusive relationship I had with myself. I had held on too long.
The problem was: the books weren't working. I was learning a nauseating amount of information on 'the damage' that develops in abusive family systems. I could label, identify, describe and pinpoint all of the 'problems & their origins.' But again and again, these books & videos only scraped the surface of recovery. Writing exercises, talk therapy, role playing, unlocking memories & trauma for greater insight, releasing emotions - these suggestions only occupied 10-30% of the end of these books. And they all remind you that abuse recovery can take years....sometimes decades if the abuse is complex.
I didn't have years. I didn't have months. I couldn't live - one - more - day - like this.
I needed recovery; and I needed it now. I wasn't living. I was 'surviving.' Barely.
From this NEED - I created the 12 Pillars of Resiliency. From my struggle & aggressive desire to heal as soon as possible, I created the Minimum Effective Dose to recover from my toxic upbringing. I created a formula, an effective system. I designed what I needed in order to Thrive, today. Right now. Because I don't have a lifetime to struggle. I have a life I want to live. Right. Now.
If you're looking to make drastic life changes - contact me today for Resiliency Coaching. Learn to Thrive in this life, rather than just surviving.